Our Father
Unshed tears stung my eyes. Wishing I could just wipe them away, I rubbed them ferociously. Clenching my fists in exasperation, I tried to block out the pain that was finally resurfacing after years of burial. Step by step I made my way to the altar. With each step forward feelings of shame, resentment, unworthiness, anger, and betrayal weighed heavily on my heart and left a bitter taste in my mouth. My past was being resurrected. Emotions I had hidden deep down inside of me started to boil over. Tears fell freely as I felt God’s gentle love beckoning to me. Falling to my knees, I let Him take control. The pain was overwhelming, but that made me grasp His hand a little tighter. Uncontrollable sobs shook my body. My mind was a blur. I couldn’t understand why this was happening, yet somehow I knew it had to be done. Something wonderful was being accomplished at that altar that night: God was taking my pain and was transforming it into something greater that he had planned for me. The change was deeper than I could fathom, and it took just one moment of absolute surrender.
When I was very small I was always daddy’s little girl. We were inseparable and he was an important part of my life. When I was just 4 years old, we made a gigantic move that would change my life forever. The trip to Massachusetts started off as a 2 week vacation but would ultimately turn into a lifelong move. I was taken abruptly from my home and placed in a new environment, one with my mom and siblings but not my dad. An emotional burial began in that moment. Someone who was a very important part of my life was no longer there, and I had to fend for myself to replace the father figure I once knew so well.
This is not a story to complain about my life — it’s just that as the years went by with no contact, my heart decided to do its own thing. Unforgiveness, resentment, and anger fell into my heart, straining my relationships with others. I craved the love that only a father could give, a love that I didn’t know anymore. Everything was being buried deep down where I barely acknowledged its existence. But God knew, and he longed to fill that void that had been created in my life.
So He led me to that day at the altar. With each step I was surrendering my own will and my own emotions that held me back from experiencing the love of my Heavenly Father. He knew of the pain that I didn’t acknowledge, and he brought me out of it and onto a solid foundation. He transformed me that night, and it will carry on for the rest of my life. I have my dad again, and I know he will never leave me. I am in the arms of my Daddy, forever.
You will always be Daddy’s little girl in the arms of your Heavenly Father.
Great job of expressing how it feels when God does a deep work. Congratulations for yeilding to Him, even though it was painful. Truth be told, letting God heal hurts is less painful that letting them fester. I hope many others are able to find a similar altar and be healed.